Wisdom Tooth Extraction or Better Living Through Chemistry

A bit of one of my wisdom teeth cracked off a while ago and I went to see my dentist. She said I'd have to go to hospital to have it removed, which was a bit of a shock because I was expecting her to make a crown or something. But no, she was insistent.

I was shitting it.

This went on for a couple of months. I had to have a pre-assessment. They warned me that I might lose all the feeling in my jaw, they made me sign a waiver absolving them of blame if they accidentally drilled right through into my quivering brain. They (quite diplomatically) refused my abject, repeated and teary pleas to "just be knocked the fuck out" and said that they recommended "sedation". When I asked what, exactly, this meant they said that I would be aware and awake whilst they extracted the tooth but just very relaxed about it. I doubted this.

My family were great. My wife cheerily informed me that "you're going to look a right mess after this". And my 3 1/2 year old son loudly exclaimed "you're not even going to be able to eat BREAD!".

In a panic I called the person that every manly man would call in this situation, his mum. My mum, listened, she sympathised and then, glory of glories, she agreed to bring up 120 codeine tablets. Halle-fuckin-luia.

The big day arrived. I picked out a t-shirt that I didn't mind getting covered in blood. I removed all the loose coins from my pockets and i got on to the train with my responsible adult. I was not happy, I wondered if blood in your mouth is arterial, would there be a spurt as they yanked out the offending tooth? I wondered if the doctor would look like Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors. That train journey was horrible.

Welcome to my nightmares

Anyway, we arrived at King's and went up to the Oral Surgery department. It was like a scene from the Walking Dead. We saw a man being led out by his mum. He was shambling, there is no other word for it. Dead eyes, shuffleshuffle - I waved at him but there was no response.

They called my name. I left my escort outside and went in. My doctor introduced himself. I asked lots of questions. He said the sedative would feel like being really drunk, aware but unable to do anything. He said I would lose my memory of everything, possibly even that chat. He sat me down and said he was going to start the sedatives. I could hear the Fresh Prince over the radio "I walked up to the house about 7 or 8 and i yelled to the cabbie, yo homie, smell ya later!". I thought I could see everything going hazy, I could feel myself drifting off, I felt good, maybe this was going to be alright.

Nope, he hadn't even found a vein yet.

He apologised and tried again.  I could feel him sticking a plaster on to my hand to hold the needle in and so I knew this time he had been successful.  He asked me what I did for a living.... I have a vague memory of asking him if that was it and him saying yes. I was apparently loudly proclaiming the merits of benzos to the nurse as she wheeled me out and saying I might fuck up another tooth just to do it again. I kept taking the heart monitor off and repeated everything about 30 times. I have a big hole in my gum and a big tooth in a tissue but I remember nothing else.

When I got home I went to bed and slept for four hours. Yes I might not be able to eat an apple at the moment and I can't sign a legal document until 1pm this afternoon but it was actually almost a pleasant experience.

So.. what I am trying to say to you is that having a wisdom tooth out isn't as bad as all that, and that prescription drugs are the effing bomb. I don't know if some of you out there are like I was yesterday; shaking, sweating and embarrassing yourselves in public - you don't need to be.

It'll all be fine.

Yeti Hunter

Yeti Hunter

Simple yet effective.  Honestly.

Yeti Hunter is a new game from Vlambeer. There is no backstory - you wake up in a pool of blood (we don’t know who’s) in the middle of a forest, with only a rifle and (presumably) the urge to kill a Yeti. Where you go from there is up to you.  Although wanting to kill Yeti is kind of assumed.

It’s just as well that the story isn’t really the game’s main selling point because where Yeti Hunter really excels is in the way it is presented. Graphically it is simple with the world made up of shades of white, black and blue. Snow falls from the sky and trees and bushes appear in all their 8 bit glory.  It reminded me of being in a flickering cine film, reminiscent of The Blair Witch Project or some kind of secret Russian army training video.  I could almost hear the projector whirring.  It is an amazingly atmospheric experience, you will feel like you’re in a documentary, blundering around the snowy landscape desperately scanning the hazy horizon for a trace of your elusive prey. And this atmosphere is only enhanced by the music. Haunting, sparse and tense it compliments the graphics perfectly and helps to create a wonderfully believable world – which is some achievement when you consider the crudity of the elements which make it up. There is a genuine sense of dread as you creep through the forest.   When night falls it is tempting just to run up the nearest tree and sit there, quivering, till morning.  

Is that Yeti blood?  Or mine?

However the game itself, sadly, is quite thin. I spent about an hour and a half running about and I think I saw a Yeti once, but by the time I got my gun ready it had disappeared.  It is unclear whether killing a Yeti is even actually possible - and if anybody manages it then be sure to let us know. It is also difficult to avoid climbing trees, and I couldn’t find a way to descend them afterwards – which meant I was forced to restart the game.  Of course, this is possibly some kind of failure on my part but it’s not mentioned in what instructions are available, so I was left frantically trying every key combination to no avail.

The thing is, I feel that even mentioning such problems is being somewhat churlish. Yeti Hunter provides an experience, however shallow, that is different to everything else. It is a great example of an indie game. There are no expectations, it’s not polished, there’s no plot beyond having it in for Yeti - but none of that matters. It’s worth downloading this game (for nothing, don’t forget) just to see the way that the developer combines simple elements to create something that is really quite special. It may not divert you for long but that isn’t really the point.